Archivo de la categoría: Cosas divertidas

Pendejadas… Chistes o cualkier otra cosa entretenida..

Computer Programming Quotes

Una lista divertida que encontré llena de verdades:

“Premature optimization is the root of all evil in programming.“– C.A.R. Hoare

“Fools ignore complexity; pragmatists suffer it; experts avoid it; geniuses remove it.” — Alan Perlis

If you cannot grok the overall structure of a program while taking a shower, you are not ready to code it.” — Richard Pattis

The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards.” — Arthur Koestler

The string is a stark data structure and everywhere it is passed there is duplication. It is a perfect vehicle for hiding information.” — Alan J Perlis

C has all the expressive power of two dixie cups and a string.” — Jamie Zawinski

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.” — Alan Kay

Any sufficiently complicated C or Fortran program contains an ad hoc informally-specified bug-ridden slow implementation of half of Common Lisp. “– Philip Greenspun

Perl is like vise grips. You can do anything with it but it is the wrong tool for every job.” — Bruce Eckel

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.” — Donald Knuth

There are two major products that came out of Berkeley: LSD and BSD. We don’t believe this to be a coincidence.” — Jeremy S. Anderson

Let us change our traditional attitude to the construction of programs. Instead of imagining that our main task is to instruct a computer what to do, let us concentrate rather on explaining to human beings what we want a computer to do. “– Donald Knuth

You’re bound to be unhappy if you optimize everything.” — Donald Knuth

To iterate is human, to recurse divine.” — L. Peter Deutsch

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think “I know, I’ll use regular expressions.” Now they have two problems.” — Jamie Zawinski

It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to students that have had prior exposure to Basic; as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.” — Edsger Dijkstra

The object-oriented model makes it easy to build up programs by accretion. What this often means, in practice, is that it provides a structured way to write spaghetti code.” — Paul Graham

There are only two things wrong with C++: The initial concept and the implementation.” — Bertrand Meyer

Whenever the C++ language designers had two competing ideas as to how they should solve some problem, they said, “OK, we’ll do them both”. So the language is too baroque for my taste.” — Donald Knuth

c++; /* this makes c bigger but returns the old value */ “– Unknown

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.” — Edsger Dijkstra

Everyone needs computer programming. It will be the way we speak to the servants.” — John McCarthy

The question of whether Machines Can Think [we now know to be] about as relevant as the question of whether Submarines Can Swim. “– Edsger Dijkstra

The architecture of almost every computer today is designed to optimize the performance of Fortran programs and its operating-system-level sister, C.” — Richard Gabriel

You cannot teach beginners top-down programming, because they don’t know which end is up.” — C. A. R. Hoare

Simplicity and elegance are unpopular because they require hard work and discipline to achieve and education to be appreciated.” — Edsger Dijkstra

It goes against the grain of modern education to teach children to program. What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in organizing thoughts, devoting attention to detail and learning to be self-critical? “– Alan Perlis

The last good thing written in C was Franz Schubert’s Symphony Number 9.” — Erwin Dieterich

You can have quality software, or you can have pointer arithmetic; but you cannot have both at the same time.” — Bertrand Meyer

The great thing about standards is there are so many to choose from. “– Andrew Tannenbaum

In C++, there are 50 ways to do anything, 49 of which are disastrously wrong.” — John Cowan

Many people tend to look at programming styles and languages like religions: if you belong to one, you cannot belong to others. But this analogy is another fallacy.” — Niklaus Wirth

This is sooooo cool! Everytime I use Modula-3, I wonder why the world is stuck on C/C++…” — Dave Hanson

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How to Shoot Yourself In the Foot Using Any Programming Language

The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you’re currently using. This guide is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such dilemmas.

370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type.

You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.

Find a gun, it falls apart. Put it back together, it falls apart again. You try using the .GUN Framework, it falls apart. You stab yourself in the foot instead.

You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot. After that’s done, you pull the trigger, the gun beeps several times, then crashes.

Just looking at the gun gives you a migrane, so forget about actually shooting it.

Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but find out the the gun is actually a howitzer cannon.

You accidentally create a dozen clones of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, “That’s me, over there.”

Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER. on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.

Concurrent Euclid
You shoot yourself in somebody else’s foot.

You shoot your right foot with one hand, then switch hands to shoot your left foot but you realize that the gun has turned into a banana.

DOS Batch
You aim the gun at your foot and pull the trigger, but only a weak gust of warm air hits your foot.

Foot in yourself shoot.

You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling ability.

Put the first bullet of the gun into the foot of the left leg of you.
Answer the result.

After importing java.awt.right.foot.* and java.awt.gun.right.hand.*, and writing the classes and methods of those classes needed, you’ve forgotten what the hell you’re doing.

You’ve perfected a robust, rich user experience for shooting yourself in the foot. You then find that bullets are disabled on your gun.

You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds…

Machine Language
Before you can shoot yourself in the foot you must disassemble the gun at the atomic level and then reassemble it. After you do this, you find that the bullets require a special operator so the gun doesn’t work.

After realizing that you can’t actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.

The compiler won’t let you shoot yourself in the foot.

You shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody can understand how you did it. Six months later, neither can you.

You shoot yourself in the foot with a gun made with pieces from 300 other guns.

You discover 6,752 different guns for shooting yourself in the foot. Before you can decide which one to use, you starve to death.

You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn’t allow it to explain.

You try to shoot yourself in the foot but you just keep hitting the whitespace between your toes.

You’ll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.

First you define your gun, bullet, and firing pin. Then, you define your foot, toes, and toenails. Then, you open chamber and load the gun. Then, you cock it. Now you’re finally ready to shoot yourself in the foot.

Your foot is ready to be shot in roughly five minutes, but you just can’t find anywhere to shoot it.

If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot.
If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

SELECT @ammo:=bullet FROM gun WHERE trigger = ‘PULLED’;
INSERT INTO leg (foot) VALUES (@ammo);

% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm: .o: No such file or directory
% ls

Visual BASIC
You’ll shoot yourself in the foot, but you’ll have so much fun doing it that you won’t care.

You spend a fortune on a high-powered, self-cleaning, self-aiming, automatic handgun with unlimited ammo, only to realize it takes a year to pull the trigger.

Visual FoxPro
You mock other sharpshooters for not being able to shoot both feet at once, but when you try to do it yourself you realize that you can’t properly handle the Microsoft.gun ActiveX.

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La mejor repuesta..

tienen que leer esto:

You’ll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.

Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.


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Where the hell is Matt

Este video no tiene nada de interesante, es solo un wey bailando.. literlmente haciendose pendejo, y lo interesante? Pues que podrías pensar que se está burlando de ti porke él grabo ese video en 42 países donde seguro a tí te gustaría estar.

He aquí el video (vale la pena verlo):

Cómo decidirse por una consola

Desde hace un tiempo tengo las ganas de regresar el mundo de los videojuegos en consolas. Y aunque me encantan los juegos en PC, hay varios ke se ven mas divertidos en consola, el problema es cuál comprar entre el Wii, Xbox 360 y el PS3 (que ha bajado dramaticamente de precio). Luego me di cuenta ke realmente no necesito gastar en eso porque ya tengo amigos ke tienen todas esas consolas. De ehcho tmb pense en un Nintendo DS.. y de hehco esta en veremos.. pero eso es algo diferrente. El caso es que blogeando por ahi me econtré con esta útil gráfica que me hizo reafirmar ke la PC es lo mjr para jugar y además puede ayudar a otros a elegir una consola:

Wired’s Geekster Handbook, a Field Guide to the Nerd Underground

Obviamente no lo escribi yo, pero me pareció muy bueno y apra ahorrrales el trabajo de un click copio directamente el artículo a aquí, de todo modos les dejo el link original:

1. The Fanboy
Disposition: Speaks mostly in lines from The Simpsons, Star Wars, Highlander, and Ghostbusters. Enjoys arguing about whether Batman or Boba Fett would win in a fight. (Batman.)
Beliefs: The Force exists, but midi-chlorians are bullshit. Han shot first.
Turn-Ons: Princess Leia in slave gear. Starbuck (male and female incarnations). Amazing Fantasy No. 15. Velour uniforms.

2. The Music Geek
Disposition: Would be really happy to introduce you to music better than that overexposed crap you like. Always up for a show, but it’ll totally suck.
Beliefs: MP3s are not as good as CDs, which are not as good as vinyl LPs, which are not as cool as wax cylinders. What your speaker cables are made of matters.
Turn-Ons: A complete set of Sub Pop Singles Club 45s. VH1’s Behind the Music (hair metal only). 0.0 scores on Pitchfork. Vacuum tubes.

3.The Gamer
Disposition: High DEX and INT scores, low CHA (thus, the lack of friends). Given to indecipherable insults (“I pwn3d u, n00b!”).
Beliefs: The game Real World has a great physics engine, hi-res graphics, and convincing surround sound, but the learning curve is too steep. Girls should dress like Yuna in Final Fantasy.
Turn-Ons: Spawn points. Haptic feedback. Pac-Man ringtones. Morgan Webb. Split-screen co-op.

4. The Gadget Guy
Disposition: Sociable while waiting in line on launch day; ferocious in comments on Gizmodo. Seemingly unflappable in the face of early adopter’s remorse (aka Apple Newton Syndrome).
Beliefs: I can fix that. There’s no god but MacGyver. The price will drop in a month, but I need it now.
Turn-Ons: Unboxing videos. Backup batteries. Blue LEDs. Laser pointers. People who RTFM. Things that make loud clicking sounds.

5. The Hacker
Disposition: Chronically crabby — then again, having such a superior intellect is a heavy burden. Paranoid tendencies.
Beliefs: One shall stand, one shall fall. Sun allergy is a real condition. Cybersex: not utterly disgusting. Cory Doctorow is too soft on DRM. 2600 magazine has gotten too commercial.
Turn-Ons: Trinity. l33t fluency. Narc-spotting at DefCon.

6. The Otaku
Disposition: Alarmingly happy. Prefers to read right to left.
Beliefs: Manga is a medium, not a genre. Furries aren’t loathsome. I can learn Japanese from Gundam. Lynn Minmay is the most annoying character in the history of anything. The next major anime release will be a box office hit in the West — this time for sure. It’s not all tentacle porn, OK?
Turn-Ons: Tentacle porn. Dirty Larping. Dating sims. All things kawaii.